What kind of abuse is this and how do I stop it?

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2021.10.24 23:17 CherimolaGrape What kind of abuse is this and how do I stop it?

Boy this is a long story.
So I (30F) recently cut contact with my abusive mother. I have a sister (28) who still lives with her. My mother is a classic narcissist as far back as I can remember. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and I'm also autistic. My mom refused to believe the doctors about my diagnosis despite me having all the classic symptoms. She refused any treatment or therapy, except to occasionally take me to doctors to complain about how crazy I was. She felt like my behavior was just to spite her (as if a 5 year old even understands the concept of spite). I was always the black sheep because of this.
My sister on the other hand was neurotypical and 'easy' as a kid. This led to my mom showering her with affection and privileges I guess to entice me to behave? I don't know. Luckily my sister and I get along great and recognize that what my mom was doing was unhealthy. She even shared what she could with me so that I felt included and loved. She tells me she was always confused as a kid, not understanding why she got trips to McDonald's and new shoes and toys while I was left at home having a meltdown.
Despite all my challenges I was able to put myself through school and still get my degree and a profession where I could support myself. I left home and moved in with a terribly abusive ex that was basically my mother in male form (thanks mom!). Despite living with him it was still healthier than living with my mother.
My mom always had this thing about us not leaving her. Growing up she didn't really allow us to have friends or maintain friendships. She didn't allow play dates or sleepovers. Going to friend's birthday parties were always a horrible guilt trip that we hardly ended up attending in the end anyway. She almost died of shock when I announced I wanted to move out. She always told us the outside world is scary and hard and that we needed her to survive in it. She actively discouraged our independence and freedom.
When I was ready to enroll in university she was not eager to pay for me, despite having an education fund for each of us in the bank since we were babies. She looked for every opportunity to not fund my chance at an independent life. Moving away for university was out of the question. I decided to stay at home and pay for it all myself with 2 jobs. I somehow managed to do it with unmedicated ADHD and she watched me struggle working 2 jobs while she had all the money I needed to focus on my studies.
She always ultimately blamed it on not having enough money. Growing up we were always told we were short every month. My parents provided the basics but never any extras. Imagine my surprise when I went to apply for a loan for school and I was told that I didn't qualify because of my dad's income. I had never really given it much thought, but my parents lived frugally. It never really occurred to me that they would be more than able to cover my school and be comfortable even if they had no savings for my schooling.
Fast forward to now. I've been living on my own and supporting myself for a few years. My dad moved out a few years ago after deciding he could no longer live with my mom - I don't blame him. My sister however still lives with my mom.
Mom is still using all of her old abuse tactics with my sister and I'm watching her drown when she should be blooming. They paid for my sister's university and she managed to have a career that is enough to support herself. My sister claims she's still there because it makes more financial sense, but at what cost? Her anxiety and depression are so that she can barely function. My mom guilts her every day and invades her privacy regularly. She can't date or see friends without my mom psychologically abusing her after. I know because I lived it when I was there.
"How can you spend so much time out of the house? Are you out there being a whore? What will people think? You should be ashamed of yourself"
"How can you abandon me after all I've sacrificed for you? How would you feel if I had a heart attack because of the stress you put me through?"
On top of this she's abusing my sister financially. My dad is sending my mom more than enough to be comfortable through spousal support. He is fully paying the huge mortgage on their home and then some. She charges my sister market rent which is basically half the mortgage. My sister could reasonably afford a place on her own with what she's paying. My mom tells her that without her rent she would not be able to pay the mortgage and "will end up in a cockroach infested apartment" if she moves out.
When my dad left he refused to leave the house in my mom's name (smart move), leaving it to my sister and I instead. My mom tried to get me to pay into the mortgage despite me not living there "as an investment towards my future home". I told her that the house is in my name regardless if I pay or not. So my dad basically pays the mortgage and all the bills and my sister pays to be abused? I get that adults have to pay for the space they live in, but I think my sister can be paying rent somewhere else and be able to live her life freely.
My mom was a stay at home mom all our lives, way longer than she needed to be. Her excuse now is that because she "had to stay home with us" she has no pension or savings as a result. She works a casual job with a few hours a week, constantly complaining to anyone who will listen about how hard she has to work now that her family "abandoned" her.
Now that I want to get my master's degree I asked my mom what happened to my education fund (which can only strictly be spent on education in my country). My mom gave me this story about how she had to use it when we moved a few years ago. It doesn't add up. Did she commit fraud and tell the bank where I was going to school to use the money for something else?
I'm just so sad for my sister. I told her we should evict my mom and put the house up for rent so my sister can live somewhere by herself. She's obviously too terrified to do this. My mom won't really let her have a relationship with me or my dad. I really don't know what to do to help her.
Also is my mom even allowed to do what she's doing? She's living for free off my dad and sister because she "sacrificed everything to raise us". Should we hire a lawyer?
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2021.10.24 23:17 AfroditeJones 🖤

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2021.10.24 23:17 sjr_176 26 [F4M] USA/anywhere - happy Sunday

Hey! I'm just looking for some new people to talk to. I'm in EST but you don't have to be!
I work in marketing, I have a dog, I love food and meeting new people. I listen to a ton of different music so I'd love to hear what song you are hyperfixated on this week. I don't have any expectations from R4R so anyone can feel free to message me lol. Let's be friends, lovers, anything.
I'm having a lowkey night at home so I'd be down to voice chat with someone. I use snapchat/discord, whichever you prefer. Message/chat me and let's see where it goes!
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2021.10.24 23:17 sadbitchdecade Which dating app do you guys prefer?

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2021.10.24 23:17 Harvo223 Max Unreleased Music

Anyone got a link or drive folder to his unreleased projects/music? Talking like Balloonerism and such. Remember stumbling across them ages ago but never got a chance to listen. Ty
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2021.10.24 23:17 Royal_Yard5850 You should be able to shoot Fire Charges from Crossbows.

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2021.10.24 23:17 Fantastic_Variety_84 Which outfit should i wear for school tmr? Or none of these look good.( the shoes are the same for both)

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2021.10.24 23:17 LackOfHarmony [F4A] Looking for Long Term Partners

Hi! I'm looking for at least one partner, maybe more if anyone else is interested, to do some long-term role playing with several characters that I have had in the back of my mind for quite a while.
My Details:

My Preferences: There are very few things that I prefer in a partner. Top three would very likely be --
My Plots:
  1. Jocelyn is a psychometric investigator within an urban fantasy world. The world is populated by vampires, descendants of demon-possessed humans who hold amazing magical abilities, and the occasional werewolf. She's assigned to a murder investigation that, quite possibly, could lead back toward the murder of her own father ten years ago. Her newly assigned partner is another investigator that she hasn't been on the best of terms with over the years. They seem to have a chip on their shoulder when it comes to the her family and what they stand for within the Order of Justice. Do they get along and finally work out their differences? Or does it come to light that this person was actually the one who pulled the trigger and now they have to be brought to justice? Any gender is fine.
  2. Nicky is a spy in a world where mutants/metahumans exist. She was drawn into a government program that takes citizens and turns them into agents in order to discourage the "metahuman threat." Her partner was assigned to her in order get them in line with the "program.". Their backgrounds are completely different, but, in the end, they mesh better than any other agents in the program. What was meant to be a guiding hand to straighten the partner out became a fast friendship and reliable partnership. There's a lot of "will they, won't they" and rumors that they're an item even when it's against the rules. They're top pair in the squad. What I've been wanting to do is focus on how that relationship was built and how they got to that place. I wouldn't mind having a larger group to play with here as an entire squad, but right now I'm only seeking Nikki's partner. Preferred male for this one.
  3. Jorja is a descendant of a long line of necromancers. This history was hidden, because the family broke ties with their old allies and tried to disappear. She runs a little corner bookstore and thinks that her family was nothing more than mediums, midwives, and humble potion makers. This couldn't be more wrong and she finds out when someone from the old allied family tracks her down. She's one of the last in a line of very powerful witches and her presence is demanded in order to help them save ... something or someone? What we're saving can be hashed out between us, but I'm all about trying to drag Jorja back into her deadly family heritage and developing her necromancer powers. Any gender is fine for this one.
These are what's going on in the back of my mind, but what we write about doesn't have to be just these things. Hit me up with your own ideas if these aren't quite your cup of tea. Maybe we can find a happy medium between us and get things rolling?
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